Thursday, December 20, 2012

Mouse in the Warehouse

When we moved to Portland nine years ago, it was such an adventure.  I had so much fun figuring out how to maneuver around the area, where to find the necessities of life.  Fast forward to the present.  It has been eight months since we moved and I still feel lost, and I hate that feeling.
It may seem strange, but I haven't the slightest idea where the best place to buy a wall calendar is.  I used to have a few favorite places I would look until I found just the right one:  functional and beautiful.  Now, that small, seemingly insignificant detail eludes me and I feel lost.
I know, you're thinking, A calendar?  Really?  You're upset because you can't find a wall calendar?
No, not exactly, but then, in a way, yes.  The fact that I don't have a special place to go (not just an ordinary Staples box store) and browse through calendars makes me feel very lost, and small.  Southern California is huge.  If you've never been here, it's like going to a huge wholesale warehouse and staring at everything around you, not knowing where to start;  knowing it will take you hours to see everything, and even after you've been through all the aisles, you can't remember what you just saw or where it was.  In a word, it's overwhelming.  The vastness of SoCal is just unimaginable unless you've experienced it.
So, yes, I can't find a calendar and that fact makes me feel insignificant.  You realize, of course, that this is just like the straw that broke the camel's back.  Lots of little things add up to one big, overwhelming, insignificant, insurmountable plight.
I am a little mouse trying to find my way around the warehouse.  I'm trying to make my little corner a cozy home, but sometimes the outside still seems overwhelming.  I know it takes time, and I'll get there.  I'm just being honest here.