Thursday, August 4, 2016

Secrets of a Homeschool Mom

We started school this week. I am only two days in and I'm completely frustrated, worn out, and wondering why in the world I do this. (I'll tell you why, because I believe it is best for my children, because I want to get them grounded in Christ and the Bible and in who they are in Christ before I send them into the world.)

As I start this week, all of the doubts, fears, and issues I have with myself come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

1. I am constantly second guessing my decision to homeschool, and I feel like everyone is also questioning whether or not I am good enough to teach my children.

2. I feel inadequate. All. The. Time.

3. I am always under pressure to teach my kids more and have them know more than other kids their ages.

4. When my kids are "behind" others their age, I feel like a failure.

5. I feel like a failure most of the time.

6. I'm not homeschooling my kids because I want to spend all of my time with them. In fact, I am often envious of moms who's kids go to traditional schools.

7. If I am a good homeschool mom, I am a horrible house keeper. If I am a good house keeper, I'm a horrible wife. If I'm a good wife, I'm failing at homeschooling and house keeping. I always come up short.

8. I often feel isolated.

9. When someone questions an area of my child's knowledge and they come up lacking, it feels like a personal assault on me, and I lost.

10. Teaching my own children is the most frustrating thing I have ever done. And I lose my temper rather frequently because of it.

So, there you have it. A glimpse into who I am as a homeschool mom. I probably will never say those things out loud to another person, especially someone who doesn't homeschool. But I think them, privately, all the time.

Monday, May 30, 2016

No Perfect Parent

Not so long ago, (okay, six years ago) it was a sunny day in Portland, and I took my three year old boy and infant girl to the zoo (because that's what you do on a sunny day in Portland). It was a bit crowded, but I didn't mind; it was a beautiful day!
I encouraged my little boy to walk forward to the glass to look at the animals while I stayed with the stroller. Like I said, it was crowded. The little girl next to him also wanted to see the animals. I watched, as if in slow motion, as she pushed him with her arm, and he reacted as a normal three year old would do, he grabbed the offending arm and tried to bite it. (that's normal, right?)

As I was moving forward to grab him, astonished that my sweet boy would do such a thing, a mom in front of me yelled at her friend, "THAT BOY JUST BIT TAMMY!" (or whatever her name was). I grabbed my boy and turned around as that same mom started yelling at me about keeping watch on my kid.

I replied (a little nastier than I wanted to), "You're a mom! Give me a little break! I'm sure your kids have done things like that before, too!"

"Not MY kids!! I WATCH THEM!" She screamed at me.

The retort that wanted to leave my mouth, but didn't (but probably should have), was, "Well, I watch my kids too. I WATCHED him try to bite that little girl!"

If that mom hadn't been yelling at me, I would have made my son apologize to the girl and I would have apologized to her mom. But I was in such a fluster because of that angry mom (who wasn't the girl's mother), that I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was get away from her.

Moms, we've all been there. We watch our kids. We watch our kids do some pretty awful things before we can stop them. Sometimes they slip away in the two seconds it takes us to look away.

Give other moms a break. Be gracious. We are all in the mommyhood race together trying to raise our kids to be responsible adults. Let's stand united in this and instead of tearing each other down, build each other up. Encourage a mom who is having a hard time with her child instead of glaring at her. Her child is probably acting up because mom is doing her job.

Have you ever had a mommy moment when your kid got away or did something awful? Share your story with #noperfectparent

#attentiveparent #momlife #iWatchMyKid #mommymoment #kids #CincinnatiZoo #gorilla #harambe #mystory #grace

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Entitled to my Anger

I feel entitled to my anger when one of my children, instead of putting the toy away like I asked two minutes before, is playing with the toy and starts fighting with a sibling over said toy and hits the third sibling (who is actually cleaning up), giving the child black eye.  I feel my anger is justified when one of my children hurts another because of disobedience (on that same note, I tend to have a lack of compassion for the child who hurts himself because of disobedience).
want to yell at my child when they have deliberately disobeyed and someone gets hurt because of that disobedience. I am angry. And rightly so. Right?
I may have a right to be angry, but do I have a right to yell? Do I have a right to shame the child who was disobedient? Is my anger righteous because the child was wrong? Is my yelling at the child going to cow them into penitence and obedience?Water Your Soul
I think you can tell the answer to all the questions is no. Even if I have a right to be angry, I do not have a right to yell at my child, to shame my child, to make them feel small and make them cry because they were being foolish instead of obedient.
I used to think I was a person who did not get very angry very quickly. If I am angry at another adult, rarely do I yell. In fact, I can't remember the last time I yelled at an adult. I tend to boil quietly and then go rant to a friend.
But then I had kids and I discovered that I can get angry lightning quick. Because they are little beings who are foolish; tiny humans who are immature and don't properly think through their actions; young minds that quickly forget what they were doing; curious hands that want to explore everything within reach; children who know exactly how to push my buttons.
For some reason, I think my kids should be more mature than they are, and when they show their immaturity, it angers me. When they don't do what I tell them to, it angers me. When they are being foolish, it angers me. And then I yell.
I am not proud of yelling or my anger; I am just telling you the truth because I know there are other moms out there who struggle with it.
So how do I get rid of this anger and the yelling with it? James 1:19-21 tells us how.  "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."
Yeah, I get it. Be slow to speak and slow to become angry. But how? The last part of the passage tells us what to do - plant the Word of God inside of us. That means reading the Bible every day. Purposing to sit down every day and spend time reading God's words to us.
Lately I've notice how quickly and how often I am getting mad at my kids. Then today I actually sat down to read my Bible. And you know what? It has been over a month since I last did devotions. A month! No wonder I was cranky! Any word that has been planted in me has withered. A stark contrast to the plants outside that are thriving with the spring rains, my insides have withered away because I have not been watering my spirit. And the withering has come out of me as anger.
So I encourage you, dear sister moms, be in God's word every day. It is the only way to control that anger inside of us.
Personalize this: Write James 1:19-21 on some note cards and put them where you can see them. I find that taping verses around (and making them look pretty!) helps me remember to bite my tongue.
Take it to my kids: I've had to sit down with my kids and apologize for my anger. I've noticed that they start yelling at each other and that is a direct reflection of my own sin in them, and it saddens me. Talk to your kids and say you're sorry for yelling. Read them James 1:19-20 and tell them you're trying to work on it. Ask them to pray for you.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

40 Days to 40

I have forty days left in my 30's. I'm counting the days until I turn 40 with gratitude.

Starting off, I'm ever so grateful that Jesus chose to lay aside his life to pay the penalty for my own sins, and that I have been given the privilege, not only to believe in him, but to suffer for him.

I have shingles right now, and the constant pain is a subtle reminder to me that I deserve much worse. The older I get, the more I realize how sinful I am. I am more and more thankful that I have been been forgiven.

 Driving around today, I stopped to take this picture. I call it HOPE.
The beginning of winter is beautiful - the crisp air, the first snowfall, the jackets, scarves, warm hats and hot drinks. I love it. Then comes February and March, when the bleakness of winter makes me cringe. The lifeless trees and the gray clouds are no longer appealing, but make me yearn for spring.

So many people feel like they are caught in an endless winter of despair. But I have a hope within me that there is a better future. The dead will rise and live again in a world that is bursting with the freshness of spring. My hope is not on this earth. My Hope is in heaven.