Is Your Housekeeping Keeping People From Coming Over?

"I feel like I can't ever get my house clean enough for people to come over."

The words she spoke broke my heart. And I bet a lot of you can identify with that.

This isn't about how to get a clean house. This is about your attitude about your house and your insecurities about yourself.

Ask yourself these questions: Am I embarrassed to have people over because they might see an imperfect house? Am I basing my self-worth on how clean my house is? When I go to a friend's house, do I inspect it for flaws? If so, why? If there are dishes on the counter do you secretly smirk within yourself because her house isn't perfect?

Or do you notice the dishes on the sink and sigh with relief because now you know that she isn't perfect, just like you are not perfect, and then never think about the dishes again?

If you are so concerned about what other people think of you and your housekeeping skills, you will never open your heart to invite people to really know you. The worst thing that ever happened to the modern household is magazines and TV shows that pretend to portray what a house "should" look like.

Let us, as women, stand united and support each other and say, "I don't care what your house looks like, I like YOU for who you are, not where you live." Holding on to an unreachable image of what the perfect house looks like will ruin your ability to show hospitality.

Lately I've seen many an article ranting about how the airbrushed images of celebrities and models have ruined the healthy self-image women have of themselves; and how we shouldn't compare our bodies to the fake bodies in the advertisements. What Photoshop has done to the female body is the same thing that magazines have done to the home: made an unreachable ideal. I have three kids. My house is NEVER going to look like a magazine cover. Nor would I ever want it to. As soon as my house is spotless, that means that no one is living in it, or else I have turned into a monster that does nothing but nag my family to clean up after themselves.

The underlying problem is contentedness. Be content in who you are as a person, not as a housekeeper. Be content with what you have: a place to live in and a family that lives in it.

Be content knowing that imperfect is okay; because any person who decides who you are based on how your house looks is not worthy to be your friend.

Don't ostracize people just because you feel like your house isn't perfect. A real friend will love you in spite of your flaws, and maybe even because of your flaws. Your self worth should not hinge on what YOU think other people think of you. Your self worth should hinge on the fact that God made you who you are and you are beautiful in his eyes.

We all have flaws. Don't let your flaws keep you from enjoying your friends in your house. Don't shut people out because they might see a little bit of the real you. If you want to nurture friendships, be real. And I can't imagine anything more real than my house after a long day at home with three little kids.

The Day

Do you ever have a day where everything seems to go wrong? I have actually left out a bunch of “things gone wrong” in this story, like jamming my finger, missing baseball practice, discovering I left something important in our van while it’s being repaired, and many more; it is the many small things that add up to make a day seem awful. I hope my story of this day encourages you to keep up the good fight.

Photo credit: Frank Andree

The day actually started at 11:30 p.m. the night before.  My 7 year old son woke with stomach pain, and I took him to the Emergency Department to make sure it was not appendicitis.  Turns out he was constipated.

After very little sleep, I woke early and left my kids with my mom so I could go get a rental car while our mini-van was in the shop for repairs. After waiting for 45 minutes, the rental agency told my husband and me that they didn’t have the car we had reserved.  It was then that I felt the enemy attacking.  I immediately went on to Facebook and posted in two of my church groups that we needed prayer.

You see, I was already sick.  I had pink eye, and was pretty sure I had a sinus infection.  I had planned on picking up the rental and being in the Urgent Care at 9:00 a.m. when they opened.  So my physical body was sick and my mental state was weakening because of the frustration with the rental.  Satan was using my weakness to attack me spiritually.  I felt like I was being attacked in the spiritual and physical world.

I returned to my kids at noon after visiting two different Urgent Care facilities and finally getting a diagnosis of conjunctivitis, sinusitis, and a urinary tract infection.  I thanked my mom and sent her home because she was starting to feel sick.  All three of my kids had a doctor appointment at 2:30 p.m., which is in the middle of nap time, but my mom had put the baby down early, so he woke up just in time for us to leave.

While waiting for the doctor in the examining room, my kids were all whining and complaining, and being disrespectful.  I felt the enemy attacking again.  I called the kids all close to me and said, “Ok, you all are sick, and hungry, and Satan is using this against you.  He is whispering in your head that it is okay to be whiney because you don’t feel good, that it’s okay to disobey because you are hungry.  Don’t let him! Resist the devil and he will flee from you!”  And then I prayed.  Then Eldest prayed, which surprised me.  Sometimes he can be quite ornery and doesn’t want to pray, but other times, he volunteers amazing little-kid prayers that get to the heart of the matter.

We went to the grocery store to pick up our prescriptions (all three kids were diagnosed with pink eye and sinus infections), once again the enemy attacked. The kids' disobedience and whining was at an extreme.  I stopped in the middle of an aisle and prayed with the kids, reminding them again, to resist the urges they have to whine and complain, because that is what Satan wants them to do.  I reminded them that our words and actions are to be uplifting to each other, and kind.  After we prayed, the kids were able to control their desire to fuss a bit better.  Side note: I find that when we know the reason we are acting a certain way, it is easier to control ourselves.

That evening, my husband and I talked. We are confident that God wants us to move to Kentucky.  However, we have been having all sorts of little set backs that make us wonder, is this God’s way of saying we aren’t to move, or Satan trying to get us to doubt? We concluded that God does want us in Kentucky, and Satan is making life very difficult in the mean time.  I’m not saying that our illnesses are caused by Satan, but he is using those illnesses to wear us down and cause us to doubt God’s will. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

So the next time you are confident that you are doing God’s will, yet all seems to be going wrong, just remember that Satan is our adversary, and he fights hard to make us give up and turn away from the right path we are on.  Because when you submit yourself to God, the enemy attacks, but when you resist the devil, he will flee. (James 4:7).

What "Frozen" Has Taught Me About Parenting

The first time we watched “Frozen”, I had no idea what a fixture it would become in our house.  I love the movie, but it is actually a very sad story about how well-intentioned parents broke a friendship between sisters.  Here’s what “Frozen” has taught me about parenting:

• When a child is hurt by another child, my immediate reaction is, “What did you do?!?”  This places guilt on the offender that may not warranted. Even though I’m scared for my hurt child, the child that did the hurting is probably scared too.  I need to be sensitive to the other child; even if he/she struck out of anger, the result was probably unintentional and now there is regret.  I don’t want to add undue guilt to those feelings that may last a lifetime.
• I need to figure out how to help my kids learn to control with the seemingly uncontrollable. Instead of hiding a problem they are having, teach them how to work out the problem for themselves. I won’t be around forever, and if I don’t teach them how to handle what seems impossible, they will hide away or stuff it down, and that will just destroy them in the end.
• I will teach my kids that as siblings, they have a very strong bond, one that will last forever, if I help them nurture it while they are young.
• I’m not going to make my kids hide their perceived weaknesses.  Hiding something doesn’t make it go away.  I will teach them how to cope with the weakness and learn to turn that weakness into a strength.  My daughter has quite the dramatic personality.  At four years old, it is a weakness that often has her melting down.  I will teach her how to use that drama and passion in a good way – we all need passionate people in the world.  I won’t make her just stuff all that emotion down, but help her learn how to direct it to be useful, and not just a way of manipulation.
• I will warn my kids about strangers, but also teach them that sometimes strangers are exactly the people they may need in times of trouble.
• I will teach my kids that helping someone, even a stranger, who is in need, is always the right thing to do.
• I will accept my child’s friends for who they are, even if they seem to be a “fixer upper.”

Has “Frozen” taught you any life-lessons?

A Young Mom's Plea: I Can't Do it All, All of the Time

Recently, a number of people have said to me that they don’t want to work with kids at church or a Bible study because 1) they don’t have children, so why should they have to watch someone else’s kids, or 2) their children are grown and they’ve already paid their dues.

This irks me to no end.  I am a mom of young children, in the middle of the busiest time of my life.  Before I had kids, I worked with children all the time.  I figured I was giving some busy mom a much needed break so she could fellowship with others.  I also figured, that when my time came for having kids, I would be able to have the same courtesy of someone else watching them for a few hours so I could be refreshed through Bible study and worship.

However, I’ve come to find, it’s not like that at all.  I was appalled the first time a lady told me she didn’t want to spend a few hours in the kids’ ministry because “My kids are grown, I’ve already paid my dues.  Why would I want to go back to that?”  I wondered if she even remembered what it was like to be in the trenches of life with little kids.  Don’t you remember how exhausted you were?  Wouldn’t you have loved for someone to watch your kids for a few hours so you could spend time with other women?  Didn’t you need a break every now and again?

Since that discussion, two other women have said as much to me.  Here’s what I have to say to you:

I am constantly with my children or other people’s children.  I work in the children’s ministry at church because no one else will.  I have sat in the sanctuary two times in three months; when I wasn’t back with the children, I was at home with my sick kids.  Before I had kids, I worked in the children’s ministry to pay it forward.  When my kids are older, I plan on working in the children’s ministry to pay it back.  I wish I could work less in the children’s ministry now so that I can concentrate on raising my children.  It is tiring, exhausting, emotionally draining work to be with my kids constantly, much less ten additional kids.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids, and I love working with them…just right now, it is too much.  Right now, I need help.

Sometimes, we go to where God calls us, but other times, we are called to where God places us.  

I was placed in the children’s ministry at my church.  I really do love working with the kids.  These children are going to be the face of the world in a few years.  They need older role models who are mature and loving Christians.  You who have already raised your children, do you think you did a horrible job?  Or do you think you could impart some of that wisdom you learned in raising your own children to my kids for a few hours a week?  I am still in the trenches, I need leadership from someone who has “retired from the war”, so to speak.  If you aren’t willing to do it, who will?

If you don’t want to be in the children’s ministry, fine.  But please don’t give me some flippant remark about having already paid your dues.  When you say that, you make me feel totally abandoned and worthless.  Like my kids aren’t worth your time.  That you couldn’t care less about my weariness.  Undervalued and alone.  I feel like you are attacking who I am to the core and blaming me for wanting a small break to get some adult fellowship.

As Christians, we are called to serve one another, to do good to all, especially to those of the household of faith.  Next time someone asks if you are willing to work with the children for a few hours, instead of giving some smart-aleck remark, be gracious and say you’ll think and pray about it.  Then think and pray about it.  You never know where the Lord will lead you.  If you feel that children’s ministry is not the place for you, say so, honestly.  And then find another place to serve the body of Christ.

Jesus Doesn't Accept Everyone

Lately I've been hearing a lot about how Jesus' life on earth was all about love and acceptance.  I would never want to mislead anyone into thinking that just because they try to be a good person, they will be accepted into heaven, because that is simply not true.

Christianity is about love, but not necessarily about acceptance.  Acceptance says I will continue to let you do things that will hurt you.  Love says I will gently correct you. 

Jesus did NOT accept everyone - he didn't accept the Pharisees, and in fact said some pretty harsh things to them.  He did not accept Peter when he blasphemed, yet loved him when he repented.  He welcomed tax collectors, prostitutes and sinners with open arms, just as they were. Then he showed them love and compassion, he healed their infirmities, and then he told them to stop sinning and sent them away changed.  Love is not the same as acceptance.  

Any mom who has a toddler knows that love and acceptance do not always co-exist.  When your toddler wants to play with something dangerous, you lovingly make them stop.  You are not tolerant of the dangerous behavior, and you do something about it.  Love, tolerance and acceptance are totally different.  Love trumps all.  I will not tolerate sin in my child's heart because I love him.  I will not accept lying from my kids because I love them. I will be compassionate and gently show my children that the sinful condition of their hearts needs to be fixed by Jesus.

The only way that God will accept you into heaven is if you have declared that Jesus is the Master of your life and you have submitted your will to him.  He will not accept you if you have only been a "good person."  Make no mistake, God loves you; he loves us all.  However, he will not accept us all.  Our sin has made it impossible for God to be accepting of us.  The only way God will accept you is if you have accepted his son as the redeemer of your sin.

I don't want my children to grow up thinking that in order to love someone, they have to be accepting of that person's sin; differences, yes - sin, no.  And I want my children to show love to everybody, even when they disagree with them.  It is possible to disagree in love.

So on this Good Friday, the day we remember how Jesus suffered and died to cleanse us from our sins, I am praying that you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, so that he can accept you into heaven.