Kids Home Unexpectedly?

Copied from a homeschool group. It's a long read, but a good one! 

Oh, and one thought from me: homeschool doesn't look like traditional school at home. Focus on the basics, especially if you're new to this: read aloud, some fun math games, writing a letter or journal entry. Have fun with it.

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Friends, I suspect the reason why you’re dreading having your kids home for the forseeable future is because you give them 110% of your time, attention, and energy when you all are home together. You are dreading having them home with no breaks, because you just don’t have that kind of time, attention, and energy to give 24/7. And that’s okay! Additionally, kids are noisy, dramatic, often unreasonable, create chaos and clutter everywhere they go, and wreak havoc on plans and schedules. This can be super stressful for parents. Now add in the schooling part?!

The problem: that 110% attention, time, and energy given to your kids at home isn’t compatible with your needs. Their noise, clutter, commotion, and disruption of plans can stress YOUR sensory systems. The good news: they don’t NEED all that time and attention from you to feel loved and to do well.

Also, boredom is okay. It helps kids learn to try new things and use problem-solving skills.

Everyone has different levels of introversion and extraversion, and different levels of sensory tolerance. Take some time to observe yourself, your partner, and your kids.
•How much noise can you handle?
•How much clutter?
•How much touching?
•How much interaction?
•Does interaction drain you?
•How much down time do you usually need?
•Do you feel like it’s never enough?
•Are you good after a few minutes?
•What about your spouse or kids?

How do you recharge? I think most parents dreading kids home 24/7 for weeks have some needs not being met at home. Getting angry or frustrated is a natural response to the hard parts of parenting. It shows that you have an UNMET NEED, often for a recharge.

Home is for you, too. Don’t feel guilty about needing your space or your quiet. Don’t feel guilty about needing to go call a friend for the social interaction we aren’t getting (thanks, social distancing!). If you can parent and work with your spouse from a place of rest, recharged, your tolerance levels will be much better than when you are exhausted and depleted. The same for your other family members. Compromise is key, and trying to understand the extrovert or introvert needs of your family can help you all stay recharged and more tolerant of each other.

Changing your routine and way of doing things is never easy, but here are a few ideas that might get you started in the best direction for your family.

✓ Accept your needs and your family’s needs. You are the way you are for a reason. Taking the correct break for you, will make you all more able to be the best “you” possible.

✓ Create a routine. It doesn’t have to be a minute-by-minute schedule, just a “parade of daily events” that can help give consistency and boundaries. Don’t try to replicate a classroom school day, even if your kids are skyping into school or doing online classes.

✓ Make some space for rest. Maybe quiet time with an audiobook or independent reading for an hour. Extroverted kids might want to pair up and sit together for a quiet activity. Introverted kids might need their own space away from everyone else.

✓ Think about earlier bedtimes. Kids tend to wake up early anyway. Let them get some more rest, and give yourself some more time at night to relax.

✓ First thing in the morning, ask your kids to come say good morning and give them a long, 1-2 min hug (or until they pull away themselves). No one has been “touched out" yet, and everyone will feel loved and loving first thing.

✓ Take some time for your needs. No thinking about what needs to be done, who needs what, how the schedule needs to change, etc. Step outside, take some deep breaths, and enjoy the fresh air. Go to your room and really savor a piece of chocolate. Make some tea or coffee, then sit and drink it, no rush. Take a nap, a bath, or a long shower. Go for a walk, a run, or do a workout. Listen to a song that makes you happy. Take 5 min to do yoga or meditate. Practice some mindfulness exercises or pray. Skype or Facetime with a friend. Create something and share it. Call a friend and do something together, over the phone.

✓ Introverts can simply sit and listen to an extrovert who needs to vent. Extroverts can respect that an introvert needs alone time, and remind themselves that alone time helps an introvert process things better.

✓ Arguments and meltdowns might mean someone needs more alone time than they are getting.

✓ Everyone doesn’t have to be happy all the time. Life has inevitable ups and downs, and it’s okay to process them according to your temperament. Just look for hope, forgive yourself and others when things don’t go right, and try again tomorrow. Try to find the humor in each day.

It takes time to figure out being home all the time with everyone. Be patient, focus on figuring out how you all work together and what needs you have for being apart. Put those relationship goals above the to-do lists. Give it time, slow down, and change things that aren’t working. Your kids can, and will learn from home. This quarantine/social distancing could be a wonderful opportunity for you and your family. There are tons of good resources out there and a lot of homeschooling communities who are happy to help during this time.

A word of caution: please remember many homeschoolers have been often questioned and ridiculed about their decision to school from home. Don't get defensive, but instead try to be understanding and respectful of their experience and advice.

Purposeful Mornings

I am NOT a morning person, I am most certainly a night owl. I get motivated to do things around 10 pm, just in time for bed. This wasn’t a problem when I was single. Now that I’m married and my husband likes it when we go to bed at the same time, and I have three kids who have their own ideas about mornings, I really can’t stay up late anymore.



I used to wake up whenever the kids did. When they were pre-schoolers, they thought that 6:00 am was a great time to start the day. I did not. When my oldest started waking up at 5:00 am, I said, No Way, and taught him how to play quietly until six. When we moved to Kentucky, for some reason, all three kids started sleeping until 7:00 am or later! It was a miracle! I could finally sleep in every morning and get my full 8-9 hours of sleep. Let me tell you, I took advantage of that.

I have always heard: wake up before your kids and read your Bible to start your day off right. I made every single excuse I could think of as to why that was wrong: my kid isn't sleeping through the night, I need a full 8-9 hours of sleep, I can't concentrate when the kids are in the room with me, I need to have quiet time, I can't concentrate early in the morning. I am sure there are more excuses, but the thing is, they were just excuses.

About a year ago, someone told me about spending purposeful time with God every day. That made a huge difference in how I perceived what my "quiet time" with God was supposed to look like. She said that it didn't matter if my kids were up, or if they were interrupting me, or if it was noisy. It didn't have to be perfect; I had to let go of the ideal that my quiet time would be, well, quiet. I also had to let go of whatever romantic image I had in my head of what a quiet time might look like. What mattered is that I purposed to spend TIME with God. I could let the kids participate, or I could let them play quietly around me, or I could let them know that I needed time with God and they would have to wait for a little bit on whatever it was they wanted me to do. So, I started doing that instead of waking up early. It sounded like a great compromise. The problem was, I wasn't very consistent because I would get distracted so easily.

When I started exercising again, my coach urged me to try to wake up before my kids. She gets up at 5:00 every day. I thought that was ridiculous. So I started getting up at 6:40, ten minutes after my husband, to give him time in the bathroom before I went in. Well, that gave me enough time to get dressed before my kids woke up, but that was about it. The problem was, I’d just go downstairs and get a coffee and the kids would be down.

My coach again urged me to wake up earlier for the rest of the three week challenge I was participating in. I figured, it’s only two more weeks, surely I can handle 6:00 am for two weeks. I set my alarm so it was silent, and my watch would vibrate to wake me up. That first day? It was harsh, I’m telling you. I did NOT want to do it, but I knew she'd ask if I got up early, so I did it. That accountability started a new phase in my life. I was absolutely positive, without a shadow of a doubt, that I could never change from a night owl to an early bird. Now, I have been waking up at 6:00 am for about three months...and I love it. Say WHAT??? Yeah. This gal never though she would say that.

Here's what I get when I wake up an hour before my kids: I get some quiet time in the morning to collect my thought, I get a HOT cup of coffee, I get in purposeful time with God that is uninterrupted, I get in some work in before my kids need my attention, and I get my workout in. The best part of all is that I get a morning where I don't feel rushed and already behind.

Are your mornings rushed and frantic? Or do you have a purposeful start to your morning that sets the tone for the rest of the day?

Are you an early bird or a night owl? Have you always been that way or did you have to train yourself?

If you are a night owl, like I was, do you wish you could be an early bird? Do you think it's hopeless? I am here to tell you that you CAN change - IF you commit. It takes discipline and dedication. It helps if you have someone to hold you accountable, like I did. What do you have to lose?

Continue On

Photo by Pawel Pentlinowski

Continue On

by Roy Lessin

A woman fretted over the usefulness of her life.

She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother.

She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.

At times she got discouraged because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.

"Is it worth it?" she often wondered.  "Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"

It was during one of these moments of questioning that she heard the still, small voice of her Heavenly Father speak to her heart.

"You are a wife and mother because that is what I have called you to be.

Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye, but I notice.

Most of what you give is done without remuneration.

But I am your reward.

Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support.

Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know.

I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.

Your children are precious to me.

Even more precious than they are to you.

I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me.

What you invest in them is an offering to Me.

You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.

Continue on.  Remember you are My servant.

Do all to please Me."

The Art of "Good Enough"

Do you ever avoid doing something because you know you won't be able to do it perfectly? I often succumb to the thought, well, it's already messed up, so why bother? I'll never get it the way I want it.

I gave up on perfect in my house. That perfect picture in the magazine took hours to set up. And it's not reality. Perfect is an illusion. Perfect is fleeting. Perfect is unattainable.

"Good Enough" is the new "Perfect". As soon as one item gets put out of place, perfect is ruined. When the room is good enough, that one item out of place is no longer ruining anything. It's good enough.

Good enough means that the room is clean enough to have company over. Good enough means that there is dust on the table, but the toys are not on the couch where the guests sit. Good enough means that laughter runs around the house chasing more laughter with a lightsaber. Good enough means that I am not stressing about the crumbs in the corner of the kitchen but concentrating on making my friends feel comfortable in my home.

I would prefer to make my tomato sauce totally from scratch, starting with fresh tomatoes. The only problem is, using fresh tomatoes doubles the time it takes me to make the sauce. So, I aim for good enough instead of perfect and use canned tomatoes, along with frozen and fresh vegetables. I still control the ingredients, the amount of salt, adding more veggies than most store brand sauces have. It is good enough. It's not my ideal, but it will do.

Good enough means that I sometimes buy stuff that I could make. For instance, I know I can make a good pie crust. It's not that difficult, and I usually have all the ingredients on hand. However, it is time consuming. And I would just rather spend the money on a ready made pie crust and spend my time doing something I deem more worth while.

Let go of Perfect. Perfect will always let you down.

Embrace Good Enough, and you can always achieve your goal.

Personalize this: What Perfect are you holding on to that could be Good Enough? What stresses in your life can you get rid of by letting Good Enough be your aim? What guilt can you let go of by replacing Perfect with Good Enough?

Take it to my kids: Kids aren't Perfect, and never will be. When your kid does a chore, don't follow behind and "fix" it, because that just tells them what they did wasn't good enough. When my 5-year old folded the facecloths, it took much willpower for me to not straighten out the corners. She did a good job folding, and I just had to realize that she worked hard on it. It wasn't Perfect, but it was Good Enough. Give your kids grace and let them be Good Enough.

Secrets of a Homeschool Mom

We started school this week. I am only two days in and I'm completely frustrated, worn out, and wondering why in the world I do this. (I'll tell you why, because I believe it is best for my children, because I want to get them grounded in Christ and the Bible and in who they are in Christ before I send them into the world.)

As I start this week, all of the doubts, fears, and issues I have with myself come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

1. I am constantly second guessing my decision to homeschool, and I feel like everyone is also questioning whether or not I am good enough to teach my children.

2. I feel inadequate. All. The. Time.

3. I am always under pressure to teach my kids more and have them know more than other kids their ages.

4. When my kids are "behind" others their age, I feel like a failure.

5. I feel like a failure most of the time.

6. I'm not homeschooling my kids because I want to spend all of my time with them. In fact, I am often envious of moms who's kids go to traditional schools.

7. If I am a good homeschool mom, I am a horrible house keeper. If I am a good house keeper, I'm a horrible wife. If I'm a good wife, I'm failing at homeschooling and house keeping. I always come up short.

8. I often feel isolated.

9. When someone questions an area of my child's knowledge and they come up lacking, it feels like a personal assault on me, and I lost.

10. Teaching my own children is the most frustrating thing I have ever done. And I lose my temper rather frequently because of it.

So, there you have it. A glimpse into who I am as a homeschool mom. I probably will never say those things out loud to another person, especially someone who doesn't homeschool. But I think them, privately, all the time.

No Perfect Parent

Not so long ago, (okay, six years ago) it was a sunny day in Portland, and I took my three year old boy and infant girl to the zoo (because that's what you do on a sunny day in Portland). It was a bit crowded, but I didn't mind; it was a beautiful day!

I encouraged my little boy to walk forward to the glass to look at the animals while I stayed with the stroller. Like I said, it was crowded. The little girl next to him also wanted to see the animals. I watched, as if in slow motion, as she pushed him with her arm, and he reacted as a normal three year old would do, he grabbed the offending arm and tried to bite it. (that's normal, right?)

As I was moving forward to grab him, astonished that my sweet boy would do such a thing, a mom in front of me yelled at her friend, "THAT BOY JUST BIT TAMMY!" (or whatever her name was). I grabbed my boy and turned around as that same mom started yelling at me about keeping watch on my kid.

I replied (a little nastier than I wanted to), "You're a mom! Give me a little break! I'm sure your kids have done things like that before, too!"

"Not MY kids!! I WATCH THEM!" She screamed at me.

The retort that wanted to leave my mouth, but didn't (but probably should have), was, "Well, I watch my kids too. I WATCHED him try to bite that little girl!"

If that mom hadn't been yelling at me, I would have made my son apologize to the girl and I would have apologized to her mom. But I was in such a fluster because of that angry mom (who wasn't the girl's mother), that I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was get away from her.

Moms, we've all been there. We watch our kids. We watch our kids do some pretty awful things before we can stop them. Sometimes they slip away in the two seconds it takes us to look away.

Give other moms a break. Be gracious. We are all in the mommyhood race together trying to raise our kids to be responsible adults. Let's stand united in this and instead of tearing each other down, build each other up. Encourage a mom who is having a hard time with her child instead of glaring at her. Her child is probably acting up because mom is doing her job.

Have you ever had a mommy moment when your kid got away or did something awful? Share your story with #noperfectparent

#attentiveparent #momlife #iWatchMyKid #mommymoment #kids #CincinnatiZoo #gorilla #harambe #mystory #grace

Is Your Housekeeping Keeping People From Coming Over?

"I feel like I can't ever get my house clean enough for people to come over."

The words she spoke broke my heart. And I bet a lot of you can identify with that.

This isn't about how to get a clean house. This is about your attitude about your house and your insecurities about yourself.

Ask yourself these questions: Am I embarrassed to have people over because they might see an imperfect house? Am I basing my self-worth on how clean my house is? When I go to a friend's house, do I inspect it for flaws? If so, why? If there are dishes on the counter do you secretly smirk within yourself because her house isn't perfect?

Or do you notice the dishes on the sink and sigh with relief because now you know that she isn't perfect, just like you are not perfect, and then never think about the dishes again?

If you are so concerned about what other people think of you and your housekeeping skills, you will never open your heart to invite people to really know you. The worst thing that ever happened to the modern household is magazines and TV shows that pretend to portray what a house "should" look like.

Let us, as women, stand united and support each other and say, "I don't care what your house looks like, I like YOU for who you are, not where you live." Holding on to an unreachable image of what the perfect house looks like will ruin your ability to show hospitality.

Lately I've seen many an article ranting about how the airbrushed images of celebrities and models have ruined the healthy self-image women have of themselves; and how we shouldn't compare our bodies to the fake bodies in the advertisements. What Photoshop has done to the female body is the same thing that magazines have done to the home: made an unreachable ideal. I have three kids. My house is NEVER going to look like a magazine cover. Nor would I ever want it to. As soon as my house is spotless, that means that no one is living in it, or else I have turned into a monster that does nothing but nag my family to clean up after themselves.

The underlying problem is contentedness. Be content in who you are as a person, not as a housekeeper. Be content with what you have: a place to live in and a family that lives in it.

Be content knowing that imperfect is okay; because any person who decides who you are based on how your house looks is not worthy to be your friend.

Don't ostracize people just because you feel like your house isn't perfect. A real friend will love you in spite of your flaws, and maybe even because of your flaws. Your self worth should not hinge on what YOU think other people think of you. Your self worth should hinge on the fact that God made you who you are and you are beautiful in his eyes.

We all have flaws. Don't let your flaws keep you from enjoying your friends in your house. Don't shut people out because they might see a little bit of the real you. If you want to nurture friendships, be real. And I can't imagine anything more real than my house after a long day at home with three little kids.

The Day

Do you ever have a day where everything seems to go wrong? I have actually left out a bunch of “things gone wrong” in this story, like jamming my finger, missing baseball practice, discovering I left something important in our van while it’s being repaired, and many more; it is the many small things that add up to make a day seem awful. I hope my story of this day encourages you to keep up the good fight.

Photo credit: Frank Andree

The day actually started at 11:30 p.m. the night before.  My 7 year old son woke with stomach pain, and I took him to the Emergency Department to make sure it was not appendicitis.  Turns out he was constipated.

After very little sleep, I woke early and left my kids with my mom so I could go get a rental car while our mini-van was in the shop for repairs. After waiting for 45 minutes, the rental agency told my husband and me that they didn’t have the car we had reserved.  It was then that I felt the enemy attacking.  I immediately went on to Facebook and posted in two of my church groups that we needed prayer.

You see, I was already sick.  I had pink eye, and was pretty sure I had a sinus infection.  I had planned on picking up the rental and being in the Urgent Care at 9:00 a.m. when they opened.  So my physical body was sick and my mental state was weakening because of the frustration with the rental.  Satan was using my weakness to attack me spiritually.  I felt like I was being attacked in the spiritual and physical world.

I returned to my kids at noon after visiting two different Urgent Care facilities and finally getting a diagnosis of conjunctivitis, sinusitis, and a urinary tract infection.  I thanked my mom and sent her home because she was starting to feel sick.  All three of my kids had a doctor appointment at 2:30 p.m., which is in the middle of nap time, but my mom had put the baby down early, so he woke up just in time for us to leave.

While waiting for the doctor in the examining room, my kids were all whining and complaining, and being disrespectful.  I felt the enemy attacking again.  I called the kids all close to me and said, “Ok, you all are sick, and hungry, and Satan is using this against you.  He is whispering in your head that it is okay to be whiney because you don’t feel good, that it’s okay to disobey because you are hungry.  Don’t let him! Resist the devil and he will flee from you!”  And then I prayed.  Then Eldest prayed, which surprised me.  Sometimes he can be quite ornery and doesn’t want to pray, but other times, he volunteers amazing little-kid prayers that get to the heart of the matter.

We went to the grocery store to pick up our prescriptions (all three kids were diagnosed with pink eye and sinus infections), once again the enemy attacked. The kids' disobedience and whining was at an extreme.  I stopped in the middle of an aisle and prayed with the kids, reminding them again, to resist the urges they have to whine and complain, because that is what Satan wants them to do.  I reminded them that our words and actions are to be uplifting to each other, and kind.  After we prayed, the kids were able to control their desire to fuss a bit better.  Side note: I find that when we know the reason we are acting a certain way, it is easier to control ourselves.

That evening, my husband and I talked. We are confident that God wants us to move to Kentucky.  However, we have been having all sorts of little set backs that make us wonder, is this God’s way of saying we aren’t to move, or Satan trying to get us to doubt? We concluded that God does want us in Kentucky, and Satan is making life very difficult in the mean time.  I’m not saying that our illnesses are caused by Satan, but he is using those illnesses to wear us down and cause us to doubt God’s will. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

So the next time you are confident that you are doing God’s will, yet all seems to be going wrong, just remember that Satan is our adversary, and he fights hard to make us give up and turn away from the right path we are on.  Because when you submit yourself to God, the enemy attacks, but when you resist the devil, he will flee. (James 4:7).

What "Frozen" Has Taught Me About Parenting

The first time we watched “Frozen”, I had no idea what a fixture it would become in our house.  I love the movie, but it is actually a very sad story about how well-intentioned parents broke a friendship between sisters.  Here’s what “Frozen” has taught me about parenting:

• When a child is hurt by another child, my immediate reaction is, “What did you do?!?”  This places guilt on the offender that may not warranted. Even though I’m scared for my hurt child, the child that did the hurting is probably scared too.  I need to be sensitive to the other child; even if he/she struck out of anger, the result was probably unintentional and now there is regret.  I don’t want to add undue guilt to those feelings that may last a lifetime.
• I need to figure out how to help my kids learn to control with the seemingly uncontrollable. Instead of hiding a problem they are having, teach them how to work out the problem for themselves. I won’t be around forever, and if I don’t teach them how to handle what seems impossible, they will hide away or stuff it down, and that will just destroy them in the end.
• I will teach my kids that as siblings, they have a very strong bond, one that will last forever, if I help them nurture it while they are young.
• I’m not going to make my kids hide their perceived weaknesses.  Hiding something doesn’t make it go away.  I will teach them how to cope with the weakness and learn to turn that weakness into a strength.  My daughter has quite the dramatic personality.  At four years old, it is a weakness that often has her melting down.  I will teach her how to use that drama and passion in a good way – we all need passionate people in the world.  I won’t make her just stuff all that emotion down, but help her learn how to direct it to be useful, and not just a way of manipulation.
• I will warn my kids about strangers, but also teach them that sometimes strangers are exactly the people they may need in times of trouble.
• I will teach my kids that helping someone, even a stranger, who is in need, is always the right thing to do.
• I will accept my child’s friends for who they are, even if they seem to be a “fixer upper.”

Has “Frozen” taught you any life-lessons?

A Young Mom's Plea: I Can't Do it All, All of the Time

Recently, a number of people have said to me that they don’t want to work with kids at church or a Bible study because 1) they don’t have children, so why should they have to watch someone else’s kids, or 2) their children are grown and they’ve already paid their dues.

This irks me to no end.  I am a mom of young children, in the middle of the busiest time of my life.  Before I had kids, I worked with children all the time.  I figured I was giving some busy mom a much needed break so she could fellowship with others.  I also figured, that when my time came for having kids, I would be able to have the same courtesy of someone else watching them for a few hours so I could be refreshed through Bible study and worship.

However, I’ve come to find, it’s not like that at all.  I was appalled the first time a lady told me she didn’t want to spend a few hours in the kids’ ministry because “My kids are grown, I’ve already paid my dues.  Why would I want to go back to that?”  I wondered if she even remembered what it was like to be in the trenches of life with little kids.  Don’t you remember how exhausted you were?  Wouldn’t you have loved for someone to watch your kids for a few hours so you could spend time with other women?  Didn’t you need a break every now and again?

Since that discussion, two other women have said as much to me.  Here’s what I have to say to you:

I am constantly with my children or other people’s children.  I work in the children’s ministry at church because no one else will.  I have sat in the sanctuary two times in three months; when I wasn’t back with the children, I was at home with my sick kids.  Before I had kids, I worked in the children’s ministry to pay it forward.  When my kids are older, I plan on working in the children’s ministry to pay it back.  I wish I could work less in the children’s ministry now so that I can concentrate on raising my children.  It is tiring, exhausting, emotionally draining work to be with my kids constantly, much less ten additional kids.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids, and I love working with them…just right now, it is too much.  Right now, I need help.

Sometimes, we go to where God calls us, but other times, we are called to where God places us.  

I was placed in the children’s ministry at my church.  I really do love working with the kids.  These children are going to be the face of the world in a few years.  They need older role models who are mature and loving Christians.  You who have already raised your children, do you think you did a horrible job?  Or do you think you could impart some of that wisdom you learned in raising your own children to my kids for a few hours a week?  I am still in the trenches, I need leadership from someone who has “retired from the war”, so to speak.  If you aren’t willing to do it, who will?

If you don’t want to be in the children’s ministry, fine.  But please don’t give me some flippant remark about having already paid your dues.  When you say that, you make me feel totally abandoned and worthless.  Like my kids aren’t worth your time.  That you couldn’t care less about my weariness.  Undervalued and alone.  I feel like you are attacking who I am to the core and blaming me for wanting a small break to get some adult fellowship.

As Christians, we are called to serve one another, to do good to all, especially to those of the household of faith.  Next time someone asks if you are willing to work with the children for a few hours, instead of giving some smart-aleck remark, be gracious and say you’ll think and pray about it.  Then think and pray about it.  You never know where the Lord will lead you.  If you feel that children’s ministry is not the place for you, say so, honestly.  And then find another place to serve the body of Christ.

Redeem the Time

Lately the Lord has been telling me to be purposeful and intentional about what I am doing.  Instead of going through my days on autopilot, to be consciously thinking about my actions and my words.

The other day, I randomly* read Ephesians 5:16, "redeeming the time, because the days are evil."  The phrase "redeem the time" has been going through my head since then.  Every time I sit down at the computer, "Redeem the time" is the chorus in my head.

How am I using my time?  Am I using it wisely?  Am I making the most out of every minute that I have?  Honestly, no, I'm not.  And since I read that verse, every time I start to do something that is not fruitful, the phrase runs through my head, "Redeem the time."

The NIV version of verses 15 through 17 says, "Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

It would be so much easier to float through life doing only what needs to be done just because it needs to be done.  But I want so much more than that.  Instead of just telling my kids to "knock it off and behave," I want to explain why they should behave and the heart condition lying underneath their disobedience.  That is being purposeful, and redeeming the time that was spent in disobedience.

I want to instill in my children that living life to the fullest is being purposeful about how I spend my time.  I want them to look back on me and see a mom who was involved in their lives, constantly teaching by example.  I don't want them to look back on their childhood and picture me always sitting in front of the computer or having the TV on.

I am realizing more and more that how I am, how I act, and how I talk is who my children will be, how they will act and talk.  We always want better things for our children.  Resolve with me to BE the better that you want to see in your kids.

I challenge you (and myself) to redeem the time this week, living as someone who is wise.

So be careful how you live.  Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLT)

*I don't think "random" is the correct word, because the Lord obviously had me read those words for a reason.  But I say "random" because I was just perusing the text, looking for something else and I came across those words which stuck with me. 

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

We love the "If You Give A..." book series by Laura Numeroff.  The kids got three of the books for Christmas, bringing our total up to five of the books in the series.  If you've read them, and you are a mom, you will probably appreciate this.  I'm just sorry I can't take credit for it; it is hilarious!

Photo by Marufish

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. 
She'll pour herself some. 
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. 
She'll wipe it up. 
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. 
She'll remember she has to do laundry. 
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. 
Bumping into the freezer... will remind her... she has to plan supper. 
She will get out a pound of hamburger. 
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) 
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. 
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. 
She will look for her checkbook. 
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. 
She'll smell something funny. 
She'll change the two-year-old. 
While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. 
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. 
She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. 
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. 
She will pour herself some. 
And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
By Beth Brubaker

It Would Be Easier To Quit

When you are training a dog, one of the first things you learn is that you need to be consistent.  You have to give the same command over and over again and see that the command is obeyed.  When you tell the dog to sit, you make sure the dog sits, even if you have to physically sit the dog down.

It is no different with our children.  If you tell your child to sit down, make sure she obeys, even if you have to physically make her obey.  But, if you tell her to sit, and she doesn't, and you just ignore the disobedience, you are telling your child that you don't expect obedience out of her.

This can be very wearying.  Consistency is not always easy, and sometimes it is one of the more difficult concepts to get through my parent brain.  It would be so much easier for me to just ignore the slight disobedience and move on with what I am doing.  But that is doing a HUGE disservice to my child, and to me.  Children thrive in an environment where they know the rules, and when the rules are enforced with consistency.

Another thing I have noticed: when I am not consistent, the bad behavior escalates to a point of extreme frustration; both on my part and on that of my child.  If I do not address a bad behavior when it occurs, the next action is a little more blatant, and the next, until the child is out of control.  Children do not always have the ability to stop themselves, they lack self-control, which is why God gives them parents who do have self-control.

I encourage you (and myself) to do yourself and your children a favor by always being consistent in your 1) expectations of them and 2) discipline of them.  It will go a long way in helping your (my) kids become responsible adults one day.

On the window sill above my sink is my little piece of happiness and a reminder to be patient and consistent.

Patience & Frustration

Being a parent requires patience. I always knew this, but it hasn't really manifested itself until lately. There isn't much reason to lose your patience with an infant - they don't purposely take their time with anything.

However, a two year old is much different. My son takes his time doing things. I ask him to put away his cars, and he does, but he has to do it in a very precise way. The cars have to drive over to the toy box, or they have to park in the garage.

There is no reason for me to rush him, I just want him to clean up so he can take his nap. But I still want him to do it as quickly as I would. So, as I was feeling frustration with him the other day, I realized that I had NO REASON to be frustrated with him. He was obeying, but he was doing it in his own way. He wasn't procrastinating either. The toys just had to go into certain places in the toy box, and sometimes the toy fell out, or went somewhere he didn't want it to go, so he had to move it . . . again.

As frustrating as it was to watch him, I refrained from doing his job for him. I also prayed and repented of my sin right away. I had no reason to be impatient or upset with my son. He is two, and he was behaving like a two year old.

I just heaved a big sigh and waited while he finished cleaning up his toys. I need to remember that this time will go by quickly, and to cherish the moments I have with him. I need to remember to be patient with him, as my Heavenly Father is patient with me.

Mommy Time

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well. I did manage to do the dishes and a load of laundry, but only because I knew that if I didn't do them, my husband would have to. And being that he works on Saturday, I didn't think it would be nice for him to come home and have to do chores.

However, my little boy was feeling great. He wanted to play. With me. I wanted to sit and read. But I am reminded of how fast he grows up, and what I am called to do as a mom. I knew that he was bored. I knew that he wanted me to get down on the floor and pay attention to him. But I wasn't feeling well, and it seemed that I just couldn't put my book down, so I'd tell him to go play with his cars, again.

So, after he had climbed on my lap for the 3rd time, I finally put down my book and I played with him. We drove cars around the blocks scattered on the floor. We built bridges to crumble. We giggled. We threw the balls. We danced to the music. And we had a great time.

After a while, he was involved in playing with the toys by himself, so I went back to reading. This time it was okay, because he had his Mommy Time, and now wanted to play by himself. Every once in a while, if I will just stop what I am doing (because it really isn't that important in the long run), and give my son the attention he wants, he will be happy, he will know he is loved and be fulfilled.

It is sort of that way with God, too. If I stop and spend time with Him, EVERY DAY, I am the one who will be fulfilled and not be longing for something more.

Falling Apart

Three weeks ago from right now, I was overwhelmed, in pain, scared, and alone.

I was overwhelmed with all of the emotions that come with being told that my baby is going to be born two months early. I wasn't ready for her. I was a thousand miles away from home. It was barely two hours since my water had broken. Everything was happening so fast that I couldn't think clearly.

I was scared because none of the precautions we had taken with our son's birth were in place. The doctors didn't know my history. We didn't have a general surgeon ready to take care of any internal problems I may have had from previous surgeries. The anesthesiologist didn't have x-rays of my back: scoliosis twisted my spine in the exact place that the spinal tap needed to go.

I was scared because it was too early for me to have a baby. I was afraid her lungs wouldn't be mature enough to breathe. Since my water had broken, I wasn't given any steroids to boost her lung development. That scared me.

I was in pain with every contraction that was coming on stronger every two or three minutes. How long would it take for the spinal tap to be put in? I didn't know, but it couldn't come soon enough. It was very difficult to bend the way the anesthesiologist wanted when I was in the midst of a contraction.

I was alone because my husband was not allowed in the surgery room yet. I didn't know any of the doctors or nurses in the room. No one had introduced themselves to me, and no one was talking to me except to give me instructions.

All I had was a Lifehouse song running through my head. "I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing . . . but I'm holding on . . . I'm barely holding on to You . . . I'm hanging on to the words You say, You said that I would be okay."

The nurse kept telling me to breathe, and since that was all I could do, I did, as I choked down my sobs. Finally, when the spinal tap was done and my arms were strapped down, my husband came into the room. I lost it at that point. I couldn't hold on any longer, and neither could he.

We were both praying, aloud and silently. I couldn't really see James because of the tears streaming from my eyes, but I could feel him holding my hand and his presence near my head. And, although I knew that God was present, I had a hard time realizing it. Which is why the song kept going through my head, "I'm holding on, I'm barely breathing . . . You said that I would be okay."

Sometimes in the moment, it is hard to believe that everything is in God's hands. I was so relieved when I heard the baby crying, weak as it was. Her lungs seemed to be fine. It was a sign to me that we all would be okay, just as God said.

I still don't know why she was born early, and in California. Maybe I'll never know. I am thankful that she is fine. I am thankful that we weren't in a place where we didn't know anyone. I am thankful for my family who has chipped in so much in helping with my son. I am thankful for my friends who have helped so much with our household in Oregon. I am thankful for friends, some of whom I've never met, who have helped out by letting us borrow baby items while we are in California. I am especially thankful for all the prayers; I've needed and felt them. Thank you.

Now, my daughter is being held in her grandpa's arms in my parents' living room. My son is VERY excited to have his little sister around and he can barely wait to hold her. I am blessed; very blessed indeed.