Walking on the Water

You may be familiar with the passage in Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water. Peter was scared at first, but then in a bold moment asks to walk on the water with Jesus. At first he succeeds, then he starts to sink. Pastor Brett Meador gave a good reminder that "The waves that are rolling over your head are the same waves that are under his feet."

The Bible tells us not to forsake the gathering together with believers. We may be at home, but we can still gather virtually with thousands of other believers and Jesus is still in our midst.

It is hard not to buy into the panic when you are at the store and see the empty shelves. It is hard to stay calm when the media is freaking out. When you see all the rising statistics posts, it's hard to keep your heart from skipping a beat.

Peter was in a boatload of panic. The waves were tossing the boat around and everyone was scared, and rightly so. Jesus came into their presence and calm ensued. Peter took steps in his new-found bravery and was confidently walking on the waves. Then he got distracted and began to falter. Jesus again lent his calm to Peter, reached down and pulled him from his panic.

My mom used to say, "Trust God and fasten your seat belt." That means, you do what you can (social isolation, eating right, exercise, plenty of fluids, keeping a positive outlook) and trust that God has the best in mind for you, even if HIS best isn't YOUR best.

Don't let Satan steal your peace. Don't let isolation make you scared. Don't let the distractions take your eyes off the Father. Remember Jesus is our salvation, and in Him we can rejoice, even in the midst of panic.

Some additional thoughts from Mark McCrary about churches cancelling services because of the Coronavirus:

1) This is not a Hebrews 10:25 matter. This passage speaks of not forsaking the assembly, but the word for "forsake" is exactly that-- a leaving behind or walking away from. It means to abandon. That is not the case here. If someone is sick, we do not say-- at least most of us don't say-- they have "forsaken the assembly." I fear we have taken a rather two-dimensional approach to this command.

2) This is not an issue of government oppression. On Wednesday, our governor (Kentucky) asked churches to forgo assembling this weekend. Some Christians seemed to suggest this was some form of persecution. But as one of our elders said, "This is not a 42nd cousin of the government persecution of the 2nd or 3rd centuries." Our federal, state and local governments have an obligation to protect the well-being of its citizens. As Christians, we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. Last Wednesday, about 1300 Americans had contracted the virus. As of today, that number has almost doubled-- 2572. That's in 4 days. Last week Italy had 600 cases; today they have 21,000, and 200 people dying a day. This isn't government oppression. It is the government trying to protect its citizens. They are asking us to help.

3) This is not a matter of people living in fear or not trusting in the Lord. I’ve seen those statements, and they sound good until one spends a minute or two thinking about them. Are you afraid or untrusting if you take blood pressure meds? Insulin? Cholesterol meds? Go to the doctor? Have a life-saving surgery? If not, then why are Christians who choose to avoid crowds because the medical profession has urged us to do so (in order to contain this virus) living in fear or failing to trust? If you started to leave your house on Sunday morning to go to church and saw a tornado outside in the direction of the building, would you still get in your car and drive toward the tornado, or run to safety? Now, if you would not do these things (take medicine, go to the doctor, run to safety, etc.), then you have every right to judge others. But, I suspect most would not think twice about any of these things. So, let’s not be so quick to judge others by standards that really fall apart when we think about them just a little.

4) Finally, let’s be careful about self-righteousness. I’ve seen more than a few comment to the tune of, “Well, ok, you stay home, but I’m going to obey God….” Implication: if you stay home, you don't love the Lord as much as I do. Self-righteousness is a nasty sin, and does not reflect well on a follower of Christ.

Feeling Alone?

Recently a friend wrote to me after reading my post about not fitting in. I have her permission to share our correspondence with you. I am pretty sure you'll be able to relate to her in some way. Hopefully you will be encouraged by our correspondence. 

Dear Vinae,

Why is it so hard to fit in with other Christians? Why is it so hard to make relationships? I feel like making friends is almost impossible in your 30’s. I’m tired, they're tired, everyone is busy and tired. I’m not too tired to spend one hour scrolling mindlessly through Facebook, looking at everyone’s Photoshop pictures, but I’m too tired to invite a neighbor over for cheap hot dogs and fellowship. 

I join groups and meet new people, we add each other on Facebook, but that is the extent of the relationship. We meet, we have a lot in common, and then we get busy with life and it’s the end. Well, we are still looking at each other’s Facebook page, commenting on photos or snap chatting, but really we are not engaged. 

I just wrote off a longtime friend of over 10 years. She lives a few hours away from me. I have traveled hours to her house to support her in fundraisers, graduations, and many other occasions. It was inconvenient, but I do these things for her all the time. Last week she told me multiple times that she was coming to my child's birthday party. We made it through the party and I realized she didn’t even show up. I was angry. I think the real issue was that quite a few people cancelled, many the day of, and several didn’t even tell me they weren't going to make it, and she was one of those along with some family members. 

How do we recover from hurt feelings when we have made an effort in someone’s life and it is not reciprocated? How do we keep from shutting down and becoming isolated? I know God is the answer, but isn’t there anyone out there that we can rely on? It’s an imperfect world yes, but should it really be this bad? I have family and a “best friend” who told me they would be at my kid’s special celebration and they can’t even tell me they are not going to make it. I would tell a stranger I wasn’t coming if I had made a prior commitment, let alone someone in my family or best friend. Has responsibility just been thrown out the window? 

How do we keep these doubts and let downs from seeping in and separating us from God? (I guess I’m still equating God’s love to affection and love from others.) But, isn’t it reasonable to expect these things if we are following God and trying to live Godly lives? Should we live isolated lives or are we meant for fellowship? This is question I struggle with. Wouldn’t it be nice to just have Christian friends in our age group that will just get together and pledge to love one another no matter what? Do life together, call, not text, but call just to say, Hey how is your day going? Friends that care about kid’s birthdays and life events? 

Hi Friend,

You know, you are not at all alone in what you are saying. I’ve had the same thoughts – why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? Why are relationships fed only through social media until they all they consist of is how many “likes” you give the other person? When did it become so easy to feel isolated in a world that is full of texts and chats and messages?

You hit on a key point – it’s easier to spend hours mindlessly scrolling online than it is to be intentional about meeting with a  friend for an hour. It’s all about where we are investing our lives. Are you purposing to do things that fill you and revive you, or just self-medicating by vegging and coming away from it just as empty as you went in? This is a question I have to ask myself many times every day. Is what I am doing going to renew me?  If not, I should probably stop.

Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram are fun ways of keeping in contact with someone, but unless thought and intention is put into the connections, they become just another virtual friend. What we’ve lost in our world is REAL communication – face to face interaction that breathes life into the other person.

It is so easy to write off people when they constantly hurt you. I have a few friends who I have reached out to over the years but never get anything back from them, so, while I haven’t exactly written them off, I HAVE backed off. I only send a message every once in a while, and don’t wait with baited breath until they respond. While it hurts that they don’t respond, I’ve learned that I can’t depend on their response to make me feel good. I had a good friend send me a scathing message about how I never reach out to her, even though I have usually been the one who tries to keep in contact. The words hurt. But I also know that Satan can use the hurts that I have to make me bitter and wallow in them. My identity is not in how my friend thinks of me or my relationship with her. My identity is tied to my relationship with God. When I am trying to be a friend with God, making him a priority in my life, the brush offs from others don’t hurt quite as much. Oh, to be sure, it still hurts, just not quite as much as it did when I made them the source of my feeling good about myself.

I know you were hurt by your friend, but you even admitted that she wasn’t the only problem. She was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s hard not to become cynical when people hurt you, and even more when it comes to your kids. I know. I have felt that my kids have been completely ignored by some of their relatives. It breaks my heart for my kids that they are missing out on that family connection. Actually, that is a wrong statement. My kids are not hurt by not getting a card from their cousins, I am hurt by that. My kids don’t know any different. But because I make a concerted effort to remember relatives' birthdays, I am hurt when the effort is not reciprocated. I am the one who feels forgotten and neglected.

As you know, we have moved around a bit in the last few years. When we moved to Portland, it took a really long time for me to make friends, and just as I felt I was making true friendships, we moved to California. I was extremely depressed because I knew how much investment it takes to make deep friendships, so I prayed. God brought into my life two ladies who I keep in close contact with, yes, through Facebook, but also through notes in the mail and messaging. Whenever I get a chance to see them, I make the effort to. 

So when we moved here, I really prayed, and asked my friends to pray, for God to bring into my life women who I could make a real connection with. It’s been three years, but I feel those connections are finally being made. It takes time, it takes effort. And if someone isn’t willing to invest the effort back, I have to give that up and look elsewhere. It really is up to ME to be willing to be vulnerable enough to let someone into my life to develop that deep, meaningful relationship that I long for in another woman. It's scary to open up and be vulnerable enough to risk being rejected. And it’s hard and time consuming and takes a lot of emotional energy; I want to protect myself and so having shallow conversations is easier. But it is worth it…IF I invest. And it really is an investment. 

The same goes with God. I didn’t realize until recently that I haven’t really made any kind of time it requires to make that relationship happen. It requires sacrifice – a sacrifice of time, a sacrifice of sleep, a sacrifice of me wanting to just veg, a sacrifice of my pride and a sacrifice of my desire to fill the longings of my flesh.

You asked how do we keep the doubts and let downs from separating us from God? I think a more accurate question is: How do we disassociate those doubts and let downs from God’s character?  The answer is by making God your friend. Spending un-hurried time with him, reading the Bible, and praying. I know. It sounds so cliché. I’ve heard that all my life - yet I never took it to heart and actually did those things until recently. Do I spend quality time with God every day? No, but I do try to make an effort. I’ve asked him to give me promptings to seek him. When I am in my bathroom, I often feel a tug to go into my closet and pray. It is often only for a few minutes, and often I am not actually praying, but just silent before Him. I’ve started trying to recite Psalms of praise in my prayers, but often I just end up repeating the same thing over and over.

If we are following God and trying our best to live a Godly life, isn’t it reasonable we should expect kindness and courtesy from others? I paraphrased your question, but I’m not sure that the answer is yes. Humans are sinful. They are always going to let you down. Always. I’ve come to the conclusion that while I am here on earth, I will always have a longing in my heart for something more. And I think that God put that longing in us so that we would long to be with him, to get to know him more. As I have been spending more quality time with God, spending more time in the Word and praying, a little bit of that longing has been filled. Not all... I don’t expect that it will ever be gone until I reach heaven. But that is where my hope comes from. I know that I am never going to belong or fit in while I am alive. There will always be that longing for more, and the tension that comes with that is a good tension. It reminds me daily to be in connection with the only one who will eventually be able to fill that longing.

When Words Hurt

I recently had some remarks thrown at me that hurt. They maligned my integrity. The words were not true, and I knew that in my heart, but it hurt, nonetheless. My heart rate went up and my adrenaline was pumping the rest of the day.

Photo by Magdalena Roeseler

The words will probably never be forgotten. I can physically erase them from my computer, but I will never be able to erase them from my mind.

I was so distraught at first, all I could do was hide in my closet on my knees. I don't think I really even prayed. I just sat stunned. How could someone say something so hateful?

Then I felt I needed to cleanse my house of the words. They were not said aloud, but their presence was felt. So I set some lavender diffusing and scrubbed my tile floors while blasting Maranatha Singers worship albums. Those songs always draw my soul into peace, probably because they are mostly straight out of scripture.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Romans 8:31-39

When words hurt, remember: God is on your side. Whether the words were true or not, God's opinion is the one that counts.  People will disappoint. Your best friend will fail you. Your relative will hurt your feelings. You are a daughter of the King. God is always by your side, and nothing the enemy throws at you can keep you from the Father's love.

Secrets of a Homeschool Mom

We started school this week. I am only two days in and I'm completely frustrated, worn out, and wondering why in the world I do this. (I'll tell you why, because I believe it is best for my children, because I want to get them grounded in Christ and the Bible and in who they are in Christ before I send them into the world.)

As I start this week, all of the doubts, fears, and issues I have with myself come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

1. I am constantly second guessing my decision to homeschool, and I feel like everyone is also questioning whether or not I am good enough to teach my children.

2. I feel inadequate. All. The. Time.

3. I am always under pressure to teach my kids more and have them know more than other kids their ages.

4. When my kids are "behind" others their age, I feel like a failure.

5. I feel like a failure most of the time.

6. I'm not homeschooling my kids because I want to spend all of my time with them. In fact, I am often envious of moms who's kids go to traditional schools.

7. If I am a good homeschool mom, I am a horrible house keeper. If I am a good house keeper, I'm a horrible wife. If I'm a good wife, I'm failing at homeschooling and house keeping. I always come up short.

8. I often feel isolated.

9. When someone questions an area of my child's knowledge and they come up lacking, it feels like a personal assault on me, and I lost.

10. Teaching my own children is the most frustrating thing I have ever done. And I lose my temper rather frequently because of it.

So, there you have it. A glimpse into who I am as a homeschool mom. I probably will never say those things out loud to another person, especially someone who doesn't homeschool. But I think them, privately, all the time.

No Perfect Parent

Not so long ago, (okay, six years ago) it was a sunny day in Portland, and I took my three year old boy and infant girl to the zoo (because that's what you do on a sunny day in Portland). It was a bit crowded, but I didn't mind; it was a beautiful day!

I encouraged my little boy to walk forward to the glass to look at the animals while I stayed with the stroller. Like I said, it was crowded. The little girl next to him also wanted to see the animals. I watched, as if in slow motion, as she pushed him with her arm, and he reacted as a normal three year old would do, he grabbed the offending arm and tried to bite it. (that's normal, right?)

As I was moving forward to grab him, astonished that my sweet boy would do such a thing, a mom in front of me yelled at her friend, "THAT BOY JUST BIT TAMMY!" (or whatever her name was). I grabbed my boy and turned around as that same mom started yelling at me about keeping watch on my kid.

I replied (a little nastier than I wanted to), "You're a mom! Give me a little break! I'm sure your kids have done things like that before, too!"

"Not MY kids!! I WATCH THEM!" She screamed at me.

The retort that wanted to leave my mouth, but didn't (but probably should have), was, "Well, I watch my kids too. I WATCHED him try to bite that little girl!"

If that mom hadn't been yelling at me, I would have made my son apologize to the girl and I would have apologized to her mom. But I was in such a fluster because of that angry mom (who wasn't the girl's mother), that I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was get away from her.

Moms, we've all been there. We watch our kids. We watch our kids do some pretty awful things before we can stop them. Sometimes they slip away in the two seconds it takes us to look away.

Give other moms a break. Be gracious. We are all in the mommyhood race together trying to raise our kids to be responsible adults. Let's stand united in this and instead of tearing each other down, build each other up. Encourage a mom who is having a hard time with her child instead of glaring at her. Her child is probably acting up because mom is doing her job.

Have you ever had a mommy moment when your kid got away or did something awful? Share your story with #noperfectparent

#attentiveparent #momlife #iWatchMyKid #mommymoment #kids #CincinnatiZoo #gorilla #harambe #mystory #grace

Is Your Housekeeping Keeping People From Coming Over?

"I feel like I can't ever get my house clean enough for people to come over."

The words she spoke broke my heart. And I bet a lot of you can identify with that.

This isn't about how to get a clean house. This is about your attitude about your house and your insecurities about yourself.

Ask yourself these questions: Am I embarrassed to have people over because they might see an imperfect house? Am I basing my self-worth on how clean my house is? When I go to a friend's house, do I inspect it for flaws? If so, why? If there are dishes on the counter do you secretly smirk within yourself because her house isn't perfect?

Or do you notice the dishes on the sink and sigh with relief because now you know that she isn't perfect, just like you are not perfect, and then never think about the dishes again?

If you are so concerned about what other people think of you and your housekeeping skills, you will never open your heart to invite people to really know you. The worst thing that ever happened to the modern household is magazines and TV shows that pretend to portray what a house "should" look like.

Let us, as women, stand united and support each other and say, "I don't care what your house looks like, I like YOU for who you are, not where you live." Holding on to an unreachable image of what the perfect house looks like will ruin your ability to show hospitality.

Lately I've seen many an article ranting about how the airbrushed images of celebrities and models have ruined the healthy self-image women have of themselves; and how we shouldn't compare our bodies to the fake bodies in the advertisements. What Photoshop has done to the female body is the same thing that magazines have done to the home: made an unreachable ideal. I have three kids. My house is NEVER going to look like a magazine cover. Nor would I ever want it to. As soon as my house is spotless, that means that no one is living in it, or else I have turned into a monster that does nothing but nag my family to clean up after themselves.

The underlying problem is contentedness. Be content in who you are as a person, not as a housekeeper. Be content with what you have: a place to live in and a family that lives in it.

Be content knowing that imperfect is okay; because any person who decides who you are based on how your house looks is not worthy to be your friend.

Don't ostracize people just because you feel like your house isn't perfect. A real friend will love you in spite of your flaws, and maybe even because of your flaws. Your self worth should not hinge on what YOU think other people think of you. Your self worth should hinge on the fact that God made you who you are and you are beautiful in his eyes.

We all have flaws. Don't let your flaws keep you from enjoying your friends in your house. Don't shut people out because they might see a little bit of the real you. If you want to nurture friendships, be real. And I can't imagine anything more real than my house after a long day at home with three little kids.

The Day

Do you ever have a day where everything seems to go wrong? I have actually left out a bunch of “things gone wrong” in this story, like jamming my finger, missing baseball practice, discovering I left something important in our van while it’s being repaired, and many more; it is the many small things that add up to make a day seem awful. I hope my story of this day encourages you to keep up the good fight.

Photo credit: Frank Andree

The day actually started at 11:30 p.m. the night before.  My 7 year old son woke with stomach pain, and I took him to the Emergency Department to make sure it was not appendicitis.  Turns out he was constipated.

After very little sleep, I woke early and left my kids with my mom so I could go get a rental car while our mini-van was in the shop for repairs. After waiting for 45 minutes, the rental agency told my husband and me that they didn’t have the car we had reserved.  It was then that I felt the enemy attacking.  I immediately went on to Facebook and posted in two of my church groups that we needed prayer.

You see, I was already sick.  I had pink eye, and was pretty sure I had a sinus infection.  I had planned on picking up the rental and being in the Urgent Care at 9:00 a.m. when they opened.  So my physical body was sick and my mental state was weakening because of the frustration with the rental.  Satan was using my weakness to attack me spiritually.  I felt like I was being attacked in the spiritual and physical world.

I returned to my kids at noon after visiting two different Urgent Care facilities and finally getting a diagnosis of conjunctivitis, sinusitis, and a urinary tract infection.  I thanked my mom and sent her home because she was starting to feel sick.  All three of my kids had a doctor appointment at 2:30 p.m., which is in the middle of nap time, but my mom had put the baby down early, so he woke up just in time for us to leave.

While waiting for the doctor in the examining room, my kids were all whining and complaining, and being disrespectful.  I felt the enemy attacking again.  I called the kids all close to me and said, “Ok, you all are sick, and hungry, and Satan is using this against you.  He is whispering in your head that it is okay to be whiney because you don’t feel good, that it’s okay to disobey because you are hungry.  Don’t let him! Resist the devil and he will flee from you!”  And then I prayed.  Then Eldest prayed, which surprised me.  Sometimes he can be quite ornery and doesn’t want to pray, but other times, he volunteers amazing little-kid prayers that get to the heart of the matter.

We went to the grocery store to pick up our prescriptions (all three kids were diagnosed with pink eye and sinus infections), once again the enemy attacked. The kids' disobedience and whining was at an extreme.  I stopped in the middle of an aisle and prayed with the kids, reminding them again, to resist the urges they have to whine and complain, because that is what Satan wants them to do.  I reminded them that our words and actions are to be uplifting to each other, and kind.  After we prayed, the kids were able to control their desire to fuss a bit better.  Side note: I find that when we know the reason we are acting a certain way, it is easier to control ourselves.

That evening, my husband and I talked. We are confident that God wants us to move to Kentucky.  However, we have been having all sorts of little set backs that make us wonder, is this God’s way of saying we aren’t to move, or Satan trying to get us to doubt? We concluded that God does want us in Kentucky, and Satan is making life very difficult in the mean time.  I’m not saying that our illnesses are caused by Satan, but he is using those illnesses to wear us down and cause us to doubt God’s will. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

So the next time you are confident that you are doing God’s will, yet all seems to be going wrong, just remember that Satan is our adversary, and he fights hard to make us give up and turn away from the right path we are on.  Because when you submit yourself to God, the enemy attacks, but when you resist the devil, he will flee. (James 4:7).