The Husband Rant

How do you talk about your husband?  Do you vent about him to your friends?  Or do you make your friends jealous by bragging about what a wonderful husband you have?  Does your husband have complete confidence in you?  When you and your husband have an argument in the morning, does he think that your best friend knows of it by noon?

 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 (NASB)

Every time I talk with a specific friend, she complains about her husband in some way.  This makes me very uncomfortable and I try to change the subject as soon as I possibly can.  By her telling me her husband's flaws, my estimation of him gets knocked down a peg each time, whether I want it to or not (by the way, my estimation of her also gets knocked down a peg).  "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." (KJV)  The word for corrupt in Greek means rotten, or worthless.  It is rotten and worthless to say negative things about your husband. There is no point, other than making you feel better because you can vent.  Unless you are venting to God or to your husband, you are venting to the wrong person.

When you speak ill of your husband, it is as if you are airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see.  You are uncovering your husband, exposing his flaws, when you should be preserving his dignity.  "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)  Telling of your husband's flaws does not build him up; it tears him down.

I want my friends to think I have a wonderful husband (which I do, by the way).  Whenever I talk about him, I want my words to be encouraging, to be a blessing, to be gracious.  "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (NLT)

All marriages have rough patches.  Every wife gets irritated with her husband.  However, this does not give you leave to be disrespectful of him.  If you have a problem with your husband, go to him!  Pray that God will 1) help you see if you are in the wrong and 2) give you respectful words to figure out how to solve the problem.  If you need advice on how to handle a situation, go talk to a mentor woman who has your complete confidence; but I warn you, make sure your heart is in the right spot, because if it isn't, you may not like what she has to say about your attitude and heart condition.

"Let no filthy talk be heard from your mouths, but only what is good for building up people and meeting the need of the moment. This way you will administer grace to those who hear you." (ISV)

I challenge you (and myself): the next time you want to vent to your friend about your husband, instead, say something that builds him up and makes him look good in her eyes.  He may never know that you said he is a wonderful husband, but she will.  And so will you.

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

We love the "If You Give A..." book series by Laura Numeroff.  The kids got three of the books for Christmas, bringing our total up to five of the books in the series.  If you've read them, and you are a mom, you will probably appreciate this.  I'm just sorry I can't take credit for it; it is hilarious!

Photo by Marufish

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. 
She'll pour herself some. 
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. 
She'll wipe it up. 
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. 
She'll remember she has to do laundry. 
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. 
Bumping into the freezer... will remind her... she has to plan supper. 
She will get out a pound of hamburger. 
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) 
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. 
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. 
She will look for her checkbook. 
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. 
She'll smell something funny. 
She'll change the two-year-old. 
While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. 
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. 
She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. 
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. 
She will pour herself some. 
And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
By Beth Brubaker

It Would Be Easier To Quit

When you are training a dog, one of the first things you learn is that you need to be consistent.  You have to give the same command over and over again and see that the command is obeyed.  When you tell the dog to sit, you make sure the dog sits, even if you have to physically sit the dog down.

It is no different with our children.  If you tell your child to sit down, make sure she obeys, even if you have to physically make her obey.  But, if you tell her to sit, and she doesn't, and you just ignore the disobedience, you are telling your child that you don't expect obedience out of her.

This can be very wearying.  Consistency is not always easy, and sometimes it is one of the more difficult concepts to get through my parent brain.  It would be so much easier for me to just ignore the slight disobedience and move on with what I am doing.  But that is doing a HUGE disservice to my child, and to me.  Children thrive in an environment where they know the rules, and when the rules are enforced with consistency.

Another thing I have noticed: when I am not consistent, the bad behavior escalates to a point of extreme frustration; both on my part and on that of my child.  If I do not address a bad behavior when it occurs, the next action is a little more blatant, and the next, until the child is out of control.  Children do not always have the ability to stop themselves, they lack self-control, which is why God gives them parents who do have self-control.

I encourage you (and myself) to do yourself and your children a favor by always being consistent in your 1) expectations of them and 2) discipline of them.  It will go a long way in helping your (my) kids become responsible adults one day.

On the window sill above my sink is my little piece of happiness and a reminder to be patient and consistent.

Patience & Frustration

Being a parent requires patience. I always knew this, but it hasn't really manifested itself until lately. There isn't much reason to lose your patience with an infant - they don't purposely take their time with anything.

However, a two year old is much different. My son takes his time doing things. I ask him to put away his cars, and he does, but he has to do it in a very precise way. The cars have to drive over to the toy box, or they have to park in the garage.

There is no reason for me to rush him, I just want him to clean up so he can take his nap. But I still want him to do it as quickly as I would. So, as I was feeling frustration with him the other day, I realized that I had NO REASON to be frustrated with him. He was obeying, but he was doing it in his own way. He wasn't procrastinating either. The toys just had to go into certain places in the toy box, and sometimes the toy fell out, or went somewhere he didn't want it to go, so he had to move it . . . again.

As frustrating as it was to watch him, I refrained from doing his job for him. I also prayed and repented of my sin right away. I had no reason to be impatient or upset with my son. He is two, and he was behaving like a two year old.

I just heaved a big sigh and waited while he finished cleaning up his toys. I need to remember that this time will go by quickly, and to cherish the moments I have with him. I need to remember to be patient with him, as my Heavenly Father is patient with me.

Mommy Time

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well. I did manage to do the dishes and a load of laundry, but only because I knew that if I didn't do them, my husband would have to. And being that he works on Saturday, I didn't think it would be nice for him to come home and have to do chores.

However, my little boy was feeling great. He wanted to play. With me. I wanted to sit and read. But I am reminded of how fast he grows up, and what I am called to do as a mom. I knew that he was bored. I knew that he wanted me to get down on the floor and pay attention to him. But I wasn't feeling well, and it seemed that I just couldn't put my book down, so I'd tell him to go play with his cars, again.

So, after he had climbed on my lap for the 3rd time, I finally put down my book and I played with him. We drove cars around the blocks scattered on the floor. We built bridges to crumble. We giggled. We threw the balls. We danced to the music. And we had a great time.

After a while, he was involved in playing with the toys by himself, so I went back to reading. This time it was okay, because he had his Mommy Time, and now wanted to play by himself. Every once in a while, if I will just stop what I am doing (because it really isn't that important in the long run), and give my son the attention he wants, he will be happy, he will know he is loved and be fulfilled.

It is sort of that way with God, too. If I stop and spend time with Him, EVERY DAY, I am the one who will be fulfilled and not be longing for something more.