A Young Mom's Plea: I Can't Do it All, All of the Time

Recently, a number of people have said to me that they don’t want to work with kids at church or a Bible study because 1) they don’t have children, so why should they have to watch someone else’s kids, or 2) their children are grown and they’ve already paid their dues.

This irks me to no end.  I am a mom of young children, in the middle of the busiest time of my life.  Before I had kids, I worked with children all the time.  I figured I was giving some busy mom a much needed break so she could fellowship with others.  I also figured, that when my time came for having kids, I would be able to have the same courtesy of someone else watching them for a few hours so I could be refreshed through Bible study and worship.

However, I’ve come to find, it’s not like that at all.  I was appalled the first time a lady told me she didn’t want to spend a few hours in the kids’ ministry because “My kids are grown, I’ve already paid my dues.  Why would I want to go back to that?”  I wondered if she even remembered what it was like to be in the trenches of life with little kids.  Don’t you remember how exhausted you were?  Wouldn’t you have loved for someone to watch your kids for a few hours so you could spend time with other women?  Didn’t you need a break every now and again?

Since that discussion, two other women have said as much to me.  Here’s what I have to say to you:

I am constantly with my children or other people’s children.  I work in the children’s ministry at church because no one else will.  I have sat in the sanctuary two times in three months; when I wasn’t back with the children, I was at home with my sick kids.  Before I had kids, I worked in the children’s ministry to pay it forward.  When my kids are older, I plan on working in the children’s ministry to pay it back.  I wish I could work less in the children’s ministry now so that I can concentrate on raising my children.  It is tiring, exhausting, emotionally draining work to be with my kids constantly, much less ten additional kids.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids, and I love working with them…just right now, it is too much.  Right now, I need help.

Sometimes, we go to where God calls us, but other times, we are called to where God places us.  

I was placed in the children’s ministry at my church.  I really do love working with the kids.  These children are going to be the face of the world in a few years.  They need older role models who are mature and loving Christians.  You who have already raised your children, do you think you did a horrible job?  Or do you think you could impart some of that wisdom you learned in raising your own children to my kids for a few hours a week?  I am still in the trenches, I need leadership from someone who has “retired from the war”, so to speak.  If you aren’t willing to do it, who will?

If you don’t want to be in the children’s ministry, fine.  But please don’t give me some flippant remark about having already paid your dues.  When you say that, you make me feel totally abandoned and worthless.  Like my kids aren’t worth your time.  That you couldn’t care less about my weariness.  Undervalued and alone.  I feel like you are attacking who I am to the core and blaming me for wanting a small break to get some adult fellowship.

As Christians, we are called to serve one another, to do good to all, especially to those of the household of faith.  Next time someone asks if you are willing to work with the children for a few hours, instead of giving some smart-aleck remark, be gracious and say you’ll think and pray about it.  Then think and pray about it.  You never know where the Lord will lead you.  If you feel that children’s ministry is not the place for you, say so, honestly.  And then find another place to serve the body of Christ.

Jesus Doesn't Accept Everyone

Lately I've been hearing a lot about how Jesus' life on earth was all about love and acceptance.  I would never want to mislead anyone into thinking that just because they try to be a good person, they will be accepted into heaven, because that is simply not true.

Christianity is about love, but not necessarily about acceptance.  Acceptance says I will continue to let you do things that will hurt you.  Love says I will gently correct you. 

Jesus did NOT accept everyone - he didn't accept the Pharisees, and in fact said some pretty harsh things to them.  He did not accept Peter when he blasphemed, yet loved him when he repented.  He welcomed tax collectors, prostitutes and sinners with open arms, just as they were. Then he showed them love and compassion, he healed their infirmities, and then he told them to stop sinning and sent them away changed.  Love is not the same as acceptance.  

Any mom who has a toddler knows that love and acceptance do not always co-exist.  When your toddler wants to play with something dangerous, you lovingly make them stop.  You are not tolerant of the dangerous behavior, and you do something about it.  Love, tolerance and acceptance are totally different.  Love trumps all.  I will not tolerate sin in my child's heart because I love him.  I will not accept lying from my kids because I love them. I will be compassionate and gently show my children that the sinful condition of their hearts needs to be fixed by Jesus.

The only way that God will accept you into heaven is if you have declared that Jesus is the Master of your life and you have submitted your will to him.  He will not accept you if you have only been a "good person."  Make no mistake, God loves you; he loves us all.  However, he will not accept us all.  Our sin has made it impossible for God to be accepting of us.  The only way God will accept you is if you have accepted his son as the redeemer of your sin.

I don't want my children to grow up thinking that in order to love someone, they have to be accepting of that person's sin; differences, yes - sin, no.  And I want my children to show love to everybody, even when they disagree with them.  It is possible to disagree in love.

So on this Good Friday, the day we remember how Jesus suffered and died to cleanse us from our sins, I am praying that you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, so that he can accept you into heaven.

Redeem the Time

Lately the Lord has been telling me to be purposeful and intentional about what I am doing.  Instead of going through my days on autopilot, to be consciously thinking about my actions and my words.

The other day, I randomly* read Ephesians 5:16, "redeeming the time, because the days are evil."  The phrase "redeem the time" has been going through my head since then.  Every time I sit down at the computer, "Redeem the time" is the chorus in my head.

How am I using my time?  Am I using it wisely?  Am I making the most out of every minute that I have?  Honestly, no, I'm not.  And since I read that verse, every time I start to do something that is not fruitful, the phrase runs through my head, "Redeem the time."

The NIV version of verses 15 through 17 says, "Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

It would be so much easier to float through life doing only what needs to be done just because it needs to be done.  But I want so much more than that.  Instead of just telling my kids to "knock it off and behave," I want to explain why they should behave and the heart condition lying underneath their disobedience.  That is being purposeful, and redeeming the time that was spent in disobedience.

I want to instill in my children that living life to the fullest is being purposeful about how I spend my time.  I want them to look back on me and see a mom who was involved in their lives, constantly teaching by example.  I don't want them to look back on their childhood and picture me always sitting in front of the computer or having the TV on.

I am realizing more and more that how I am, how I act, and how I talk is who my children will be, how they will act and talk.  We always want better things for our children.  Resolve with me to BE the better that you want to see in your kids.

I challenge you (and myself) to redeem the time this week, living as someone who is wise.

So be careful how you live.  Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLT)

*I don't think "random" is the correct word, because the Lord obviously had me read those words for a reason.  But I say "random" because I was just perusing the text, looking for something else and I came across those words which stuck with me. 

The Husband Rant

How do you talk about your husband?  Do you vent about him to your friends?  Or do you make your friends jealous by bragging about what a wonderful husband you have?  Does your husband have complete confidence in you?  When you and your husband have an argument in the morning, does he think that your best friend knows of it by noon?

 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 (NASB)

Every time I talk with a specific friend, she complains about her husband in some way.  This makes me very uncomfortable and I try to change the subject as soon as I possibly can.  By her telling me her husband's flaws, my estimation of him gets knocked down a peg each time, whether I want it to or not (by the way, my estimation of her also gets knocked down a peg).  "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." (KJV)  The word for corrupt in Greek means rotten, or worthless.  It is rotten and worthless to say negative things about your husband. There is no point, other than making you feel better because you can vent.  Unless you are venting to God or to your husband, you are venting to the wrong person.

When you speak ill of your husband, it is as if you are airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see.  You are uncovering your husband, exposing his flaws, when you should be preserving his dignity.  "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)  Telling of your husband's flaws does not build him up; it tears him down.

I want my friends to think I have a wonderful husband (which I do, by the way).  Whenever I talk about him, I want my words to be encouraging, to be a blessing, to be gracious.  "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (NLT)

All marriages have rough patches.  Every wife gets irritated with her husband.  However, this does not give you leave to be disrespectful of him.  If you have a problem with your husband, go to him!  Pray that God will 1) help you see if you are in the wrong and 2) give you respectful words to figure out how to solve the problem.  If you need advice on how to handle a situation, go talk to a mentor woman who has your complete confidence; but I warn you, make sure your heart is in the right spot, because if it isn't, you may not like what she has to say about your attitude and heart condition.

"Let no filthy talk be heard from your mouths, but only what is good for building up people and meeting the need of the moment. This way you will administer grace to those who hear you." (ISV)

I challenge you (and myself): the next time you want to vent to your friend about your husband, instead, say something that builds him up and makes him look good in her eyes.  He may never know that you said he is a wonderful husband, but she will.  And so will you.

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

We love the "If You Give A..." book series by Laura Numeroff.  The kids got three of the books for Christmas, bringing our total up to five of the books in the series.  If you've read them, and you are a mom, you will probably appreciate this.  I'm just sorry I can't take credit for it; it is hilarious!

Photo by Marufish

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. 
She'll pour herself some. 
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. 
She'll wipe it up. 
Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. 
She'll remember she has to do laundry. 
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. 
Bumping into the freezer... will remind her... she has to plan supper. 
She will get out a pound of hamburger. 
She'll look for her cookbook (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) 
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. 
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. 
She will look for her checkbook. 
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. 
She'll smell something funny. 
She'll change the two-year-old. 
While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. 
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. 
She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. 
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. 
She will pour herself some. 
And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.
By Beth Brubaker