Secrets of a Homeschool Mom

We started school this week. I am only two days in and I'm completely frustrated, worn out, and wondering why in the world I do this. (I'll tell you why, because I believe it is best for my children, because I want to get them grounded in Christ and the Bible and in who they are in Christ before I send them into the world.)

As I start this week, all of the doubts, fears, and issues I have with myself come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

1. I am constantly second guessing my decision to homeschool, and I feel like everyone is also questioning whether or not I am good enough to teach my children.

2. I feel inadequate. All. The. Time.

3. I am always under pressure to teach my kids more and have them know more than other kids their ages.

4. When my kids are "behind" others their age, I feel like a failure.

5. I feel like a failure most of the time.

6. I'm not homeschooling my kids because I want to spend all of my time with them. In fact, I am often envious of moms who's kids go to traditional schools.

7. If I am a good homeschool mom, I am a horrible house keeper. If I am a good house keeper, I'm a horrible wife. If I'm a good wife, I'm failing at homeschooling and house keeping. I always come up short.

8. I often feel isolated.

9. When someone questions an area of my child's knowledge and they come up lacking, it feels like a personal assault on me, and I lost.

10. Teaching my own children is the most frustrating thing I have ever done. And I lose my temper rather frequently because of it.

So, there you have it. A glimpse into who I am as a homeschool mom. I probably will never say those things out loud to another person, especially someone who doesn't homeschool. But I think them, privately, all the time.

No Perfect Parent

Not so long ago, (okay, six years ago) it was a sunny day in Portland, and I took my three year old boy and infant girl to the zoo (because that's what you do on a sunny day in Portland). It was a bit crowded, but I didn't mind; it was a beautiful day!

I encouraged my little boy to walk forward to the glass to look at the animals while I stayed with the stroller. Like I said, it was crowded. The little girl next to him also wanted to see the animals. I watched, as if in slow motion, as she pushed him with her arm, and he reacted as a normal three year old would do, he grabbed the offending arm and tried to bite it. (that's normal, right?)

As I was moving forward to grab him, astonished that my sweet boy would do such a thing, a mom in front of me yelled at her friend, "THAT BOY JUST BIT TAMMY!" (or whatever her name was). I grabbed my boy and turned around as that same mom started yelling at me about keeping watch on my kid.

I replied (a little nastier than I wanted to), "You're a mom! Give me a little break! I'm sure your kids have done things like that before, too!"

"Not MY kids!! I WATCH THEM!" She screamed at me.

The retort that wanted to leave my mouth, but didn't (but probably should have), was, "Well, I watch my kids too. I WATCHED him try to bite that little girl!"

If that mom hadn't been yelling at me, I would have made my son apologize to the girl and I would have apologized to her mom. But I was in such a fluster because of that angry mom (who wasn't the girl's mother), that I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was get away from her.

Moms, we've all been there. We watch our kids. We watch our kids do some pretty awful things before we can stop them. Sometimes they slip away in the two seconds it takes us to look away.

Give other moms a break. Be gracious. We are all in the mommyhood race together trying to raise our kids to be responsible adults. Let's stand united in this and instead of tearing each other down, build each other up. Encourage a mom who is having a hard time with her child instead of glaring at her. Her child is probably acting up because mom is doing her job.

Have you ever had a mommy moment when your kid got away or did something awful? Share your story with #noperfectparent

#attentiveparent #momlife #iWatchMyKid #mommymoment #kids #CincinnatiZoo #gorilla #harambe #mystory #grace

Marriage Wrecker

I sat uncomfortably at the table with the two other moms I had just met. They were talking about their husbands. One was flippantly saying how she is always threatening to leave her husband. The other wondered why her husband always "smelled like butt" at the end of the day.

I had no idea what to say. They were silently asking for me to laugh at what they were saying, but I couldn't. I mean, what they were saying was making me squirm in the tiny toddler chair I was perching on. I didn't know these women, nor their husbands, and I didn't need to know these very personal flaws within 30 minutes of meeting them. I felt like I was seeing into a private life that should be kept private.

Ladies, when you flippantly complain about your husband, you are doing a disservice to yourself, to your husband, and to your marriage. I understand that you are trying to be funny, trying to connect with other women, trying to find common ground that is seemingly inconsequential, because, after all, every husband has his little faults.

But I am telling you to stop. Marriages are under attack, and Satan does not need your help in undermining your own marriage. I understand that there are irritations in marriage that you feel like you just need to get out. I have those too. But you do not need to get them out like verbal vomit to every person you meet.

Ladies, what we need to do is to encourage each other in our marriages. Yes, there are irritations. Yes, there are problems. Are you contributing to those problems by bandying them about like jokes? Problems in marriage are not a joke, they are serious, and I, for one, want to help my marriage, not hinder it, by building up my husband in front of other women, not tearing him down.

Here are some of my thoughts on how to build up your marriage. If you have more, please add them in the comments!

• Most important: spend time in the Bible every day. I know it can be difficult, but you can MAKE time.
• Pray for your husband.
• Pray with your husband.
• Determine only to speak good of him around acquaintances.
• Determine to speak any negative about your husband to one trusted female friend who can give you Godly counsel and will encourage you in building up your marriage.

Marriage is hard enough. Support your friends' marriages. Support your own marriage. Let's decide to build up the foundation of our homes by building up our husbands.

Note: if you are having serious problems in your marriage, please find Godly counsel. Do not stay in a situation that is harmful, but seek help. Seek God. God is the only one who can change hearts.

Is Your Housekeeping Keeping People From Coming Over?

"I feel like I can't ever get my house clean enough for people to come over."

The words she spoke broke my heart. And I bet a lot of you can identify with that.

This isn't about how to get a clean house. This is about your attitude about your house and your insecurities about yourself.

Ask yourself these questions: Am I embarrassed to have people over because they might see an imperfect house? Am I basing my self-worth on how clean my house is? When I go to a friend's house, do I inspect it for flaws? If so, why? If there are dishes on the counter do you secretly smirk within yourself because her house isn't perfect?

Or do you notice the dishes on the sink and sigh with relief because now you know that she isn't perfect, just like you are not perfect, and then never think about the dishes again?

If you are so concerned about what other people think of you and your housekeeping skills, you will never open your heart to invite people to really know you. The worst thing that ever happened to the modern household is magazines and TV shows that pretend to portray what a house "should" look like.

Let us, as women, stand united and support each other and say, "I don't care what your house looks like, I like YOU for who you are, not where you live." Holding on to an unreachable image of what the perfect house looks like will ruin your ability to show hospitality.

Lately I've seen many an article ranting about how the airbrushed images of celebrities and models have ruined the healthy self-image women have of themselves; and how we shouldn't compare our bodies to the fake bodies in the advertisements. What Photoshop has done to the female body is the same thing that magazines have done to the home: made an unreachable ideal. I have three kids. My house is NEVER going to look like a magazine cover. Nor would I ever want it to. As soon as my house is spotless, that means that no one is living in it, or else I have turned into a monster that does nothing but nag my family to clean up after themselves.

The underlying problem is contentedness. Be content in who you are as a person, not as a housekeeper. Be content with what you have: a place to live in and a family that lives in it.

Be content knowing that imperfect is okay; because any person who decides who you are based on how your house looks is not worthy to be your friend.

Don't ostracize people just because you feel like your house isn't perfect. A real friend will love you in spite of your flaws, and maybe even because of your flaws. Your self worth should not hinge on what YOU think other people think of you. Your self worth should hinge on the fact that God made you who you are and you are beautiful in his eyes.

We all have flaws. Don't let your flaws keep you from enjoying your friends in your house. Don't shut people out because they might see a little bit of the real you. If you want to nurture friendships, be real. And I can't imagine anything more real than my house after a long day at home with three little kids.

The Day

Do you ever have a day where everything seems to go wrong? I have actually left out a bunch of “things gone wrong” in this story, like jamming my finger, missing baseball practice, discovering I left something important in our van while it’s being repaired, and many more; it is the many small things that add up to make a day seem awful. I hope my story of this day encourages you to keep up the good fight.

Photo credit: Frank Andree

The day actually started at 11:30 p.m. the night before.  My 7 year old son woke with stomach pain, and I took him to the Emergency Department to make sure it was not appendicitis.  Turns out he was constipated.

After very little sleep, I woke early and left my kids with my mom so I could go get a rental car while our mini-van was in the shop for repairs. After waiting for 45 minutes, the rental agency told my husband and me that they didn’t have the car we had reserved.  It was then that I felt the enemy attacking.  I immediately went on to Facebook and posted in two of my church groups that we needed prayer.

You see, I was already sick.  I had pink eye, and was pretty sure I had a sinus infection.  I had planned on picking up the rental and being in the Urgent Care at 9:00 a.m. when they opened.  So my physical body was sick and my mental state was weakening because of the frustration with the rental.  Satan was using my weakness to attack me spiritually.  I felt like I was being attacked in the spiritual and physical world.

I returned to my kids at noon after visiting two different Urgent Care facilities and finally getting a diagnosis of conjunctivitis, sinusitis, and a urinary tract infection.  I thanked my mom and sent her home because she was starting to feel sick.  All three of my kids had a doctor appointment at 2:30 p.m., which is in the middle of nap time, but my mom had put the baby down early, so he woke up just in time for us to leave.

While waiting for the doctor in the examining room, my kids were all whining and complaining, and being disrespectful.  I felt the enemy attacking again.  I called the kids all close to me and said, “Ok, you all are sick, and hungry, and Satan is using this against you.  He is whispering in your head that it is okay to be whiney because you don’t feel good, that it’s okay to disobey because you are hungry.  Don’t let him! Resist the devil and he will flee from you!”  And then I prayed.  Then Eldest prayed, which surprised me.  Sometimes he can be quite ornery and doesn’t want to pray, but other times, he volunteers amazing little-kid prayers that get to the heart of the matter.

We went to the grocery store to pick up our prescriptions (all three kids were diagnosed with pink eye and sinus infections), once again the enemy attacked. The kids' disobedience and whining was at an extreme.  I stopped in the middle of an aisle and prayed with the kids, reminding them again, to resist the urges they have to whine and complain, because that is what Satan wants them to do.  I reminded them that our words and actions are to be uplifting to each other, and kind.  After we prayed, the kids were able to control their desire to fuss a bit better.  Side note: I find that when we know the reason we are acting a certain way, it is easier to control ourselves.

That evening, my husband and I talked. We are confident that God wants us to move to Kentucky.  However, we have been having all sorts of little set backs that make us wonder, is this God’s way of saying we aren’t to move, or Satan trying to get us to doubt? We concluded that God does want us in Kentucky, and Satan is making life very difficult in the mean time.  I’m not saying that our illnesses are caused by Satan, but he is using those illnesses to wear us down and cause us to doubt God’s will. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

So the next time you are confident that you are doing God’s will, yet all seems to be going wrong, just remember that Satan is our adversary, and he fights hard to make us give up and turn away from the right path we are on.  Because when you submit yourself to God, the enemy attacks, but when you resist the devil, he will flee. (James 4:7).